Yesterday I received an email from an anonymous person asking a very important question. She had a child born both male and female and had decide to make this child into a female. It has been nine years and she suddenly feels as though she crossed a line by deciding to pick her child's gender at such a young age, without knowing who she is. Her question was how she can feel okay about this and if she should tell her child now or later on in life?
Truth is every parent goes though this. Maybe not the same situation, but parents often feel as though they are wronging their child in some way. This is when parenting gets tough. This issue stems from our lack of the universal understanding of what parenting is meant to be or how it should look like. We basically set the bar to high for both ourselves and our children. We create an image in our mind of how this experience will play out an feel guilty if we don't meet expectations.
My advice for her and other parents who feel as though they have made poor choices when dealing with their children is to actually do something about it, admit the way you feel and head in the direction of a solution that includes both you and your child. Most of our parenting issues are because we think children are to fragile for the world. We hide things we think they are not ready for on nothing but a hunch that they are not ready for it.
In the case of a nine year old she will soon be approaching puberty meaning the choice is not yet set in stone. I would explain to the child the disorder and let her be apart of the decision making from here on out. I know as a parent myself this sounds scary but children are very smart and can deal with much more than we give them credit for, hiding the world from them is much more damaging to their development than the truth.
We are meant to guide children into their identity not try to create and manipulate it into what we think is ideal for our children. By giving them this freedom they will grow into a creative and independent extension of this universe. They will be very in tune with themselves and will be quick to solve their own problems instead of racing to others to fix it for them.
Also, seek support!!!! Its so illogical to me that only two people play a role as parents in today's society. Other parents and family members can offer support and ideas of how to deal with sticky situations. So ask others if that helps. There are also many great parenting groups all over the world who offer great support and advice online. Chances are their is someone else walking the same road that can help clear your mind.
And remember to trust your parental instincts!!!!!
Have a wonderful day!!!
Truth is every parent goes though this. Maybe not the same situation, but parents often feel as though they are wronging their child in some way. This is when parenting gets tough. This issue stems from our lack of the universal understanding of what parenting is meant to be or how it should look like. We basically set the bar to high for both ourselves and our children. We create an image in our mind of how this experience will play out an feel guilty if we don't meet expectations.
My advice for her and other parents who feel as though they have made poor choices when dealing with their children is to actually do something about it, admit the way you feel and head in the direction of a solution that includes both you and your child. Most of our parenting issues are because we think children are to fragile for the world. We hide things we think they are not ready for on nothing but a hunch that they are not ready for it.
In the case of a nine year old she will soon be approaching puberty meaning the choice is not yet set in stone. I would explain to the child the disorder and let her be apart of the decision making from here on out. I know as a parent myself this sounds scary but children are very smart and can deal with much more than we give them credit for, hiding the world from them is much more damaging to their development than the truth.
We are meant to guide children into their identity not try to create and manipulate it into what we think is ideal for our children. By giving them this freedom they will grow into a creative and independent extension of this universe. They will be very in tune with themselves and will be quick to solve their own problems instead of racing to others to fix it for them.
Also, seek support!!!! Its so illogical to me that only two people play a role as parents in today's society. Other parents and family members can offer support and ideas of how to deal with sticky situations. So ask others if that helps. There are also many great parenting groups all over the world who offer great support and advice online. Chances are their is someone else walking the same road that can help clear your mind.
And remember to trust your parental instincts!!!!!
Have a wonderful day!!!